The Dog That Gave Me a Reason to Live: Chris and Vincent

Chris, a transgender queer male in his early twenties, sits with his rescue Pitbull, Vincent, on their couch.

Editor’s Note: Earlier this month it was Transgender Awareness Week which culminated in the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Lauren (@empath_n_drake), a member of our #TOCFam, introduced us to her openly trans friend, Chris (@straydoglife), who also has a reactive dog named, Vincent (@littlebuddyvincent). Chris graciously agreed to sit down for a q&a and we are honored to share his story with you all. (Warning: This content mentions suicide, anorexia, and depression.)

Would you please introduce yourself and tell us a bit about your story (you can share whatever you want to share about yourself)?

My name is Christopher, or Chris for short, and I am a transgender queer male in my early twenties. I came out when I was 16, and it was a hard transition for everybody. Vincent always seemed to recognize me and my voice, no matter how much I changed. I am called his "papa" and he actually responds to that word and looks around for me. I study psychology at university, and I love all dogs very much! I am passionate about helping others because I have been through a lot of mental health struggles. I am passionate about reactive dogs because it is a community that needs a lot of support and has been so welcoming to Vincent and me.

When did you get Vincent?

Seven years ago! I was 16 at the time.

“I picked Vincent because he was the most energetic and felt drawn towards him. I fell in love with him the first time I held him” Chris told TOC.

How did you and Vincent “meet?”

He was in a litter with his siblings at a farmer's market - all his siblings were sleeping and he was being rowdy. My mom wanted me to pick a female dog, but I always wanted a male dog. I picked him up, and he calmed down in my arms immediately. We didn't find out his breed until way later because the farmer's market was pretty shady. We didn't even plan to get a puppy that day, we were just buying peaches, but I saw puppies and I wanted to look at them because I love dogs. My mom asked me, "Do you want one?" and I said yes. So she told me to pick, and I picked Vincent because he was the most energetic and felt drawn towards him. I fell in love with him the first time I held him.

What did bringing Vincent into your life mean to you?

“In this photo Vincent was about one year old and I was holding and kissing him. I was early in my transition” Chris said.

Vincent gave me a reason to live and recover from my mental illnesses. Before Vincent, I was in and out of the hospital for being suicidal among other things. I was struggling to get out of bed every day and wasn't eating. When I got Vincent, I wanted to take care of him the best I could. I got out of bed. I played with him, fed him, and he slept in my bed with me every night because he hated being alone. Eventually, for my own mental health, I decided to move out of my mom's [house]. It was hard because I couldn't take Vincent with me. Eventually I got my own place and he lived with me for a year, …and people would yell at us and threaten us because he was a pitbull. I eventually made the decision to send him back to my mom's, where he could feel safe, as he had become reactive from the stress of living with me. Without Vincent, I spiraled into anorexia. I went into the hospital and got treatment. On my hardest days, I looked at my planner which had a photo if him on it. It said below, "Do it for him." So I worked my hardest and now my mental health is much better, and I am in remission from anorexia. Whenever I think about relapsing or suicide, I think of him and I decide to go on. Whenever I think about giving up in school, I think of him and how I want a career so I can get a house for him to live with me again. Vincent seems happier and less stressed at my mom's, and honestly I didn't have the money or time to take care of him properly, so I let him stay there. I visit him every Sunday, for his birthday, and holidays.

What are some of your favorite things to do with Vincent?

We love to cuddle, take naps together, and play with his toys. It is the best when he is relaxing, and I am relaxing, and we can enjoy each other's company. He loves to give kisses and lets me kiss his forehead. Every time I come to visit, he [puts] out his paws on me and stays there "hugging" me for a long time. When Vincent is at ease, I am at ease.

How has Vincent’s journey with reactivity impacted your life?

“Vincent is a good boy and enjoys taking treats from his muzzle. He is still working on his reactivity, but recently people outside said what a good boy he was. That made me really happy,” Chris told TOC.

It was really hard. The reason he is reactive was because of the neighborhood we lived in when he lived with me, so I always feel bad about that. He was under a lot of stress to protect me. I didn't do anything about his reactivity for a while, until I found supportive groups online for reactive dogs. I learned how to train him, how to properly muzzle him, and he is making great progress. I hope he inspires other dogs out there who have fear-based reactivity. I used to feel anxious when walking him, but I don't anymore now that he has a muzzle. I don't care what other people think, I am focused on making him comfortable on his walks. When he reacts, I try to gently lead him back to me with treats and tell him to lay down. One day a dog was off leash (illegally) and ran up to Vincent on a day he was not muzzled. Vincent bit the other dog. The owner said it was her fault, but when I got home I cried because I knew if he did it to someone else he could seriously hurt them and he could be put down. So he has been muzzled every walk since. He's a good boy and enjoys taking treats from his muzzle. He is still working on his reactivity, but recently people outside said what a good boy he was. That made me really happy.

When I am with Vincent, I feel_________. (Please fill in the blank and feel free to elaborate.)

Happy. For me, that's a big thing. I've dealt with chronic depression with major depressive episodes. Happiness was not something I felt for a long time. However, whenever I am with Vincent, I am truly happy. I cherish those moments, and they have gotten me through hard times.

Would you be willing to share a specific memory you have of Vincent?

A fond memory I have is a simple one that I think about a lot to calm down, it is my "happy place." I have narcolepsy, so I take scheduled naps on my mom's couch. He got used to the timing. Eventually, he would always take my naps with me. My fondest memory is him sleeping in the crook of my legs, warm and snoring. I would fall asleep happy knowing we were safe and he was there.

What are some of the ways you take care of yourself?

On my main instagram, I talk a lot about my experiences with mental health, and that helps me be solid in my recovery. I also draw to vent out feelings, as this has worked since I was little. I make sure to nourish myself properly, get plenty of rest, and try to be compassionate with myself. I take care of myself because I know Vincent would be sad if I didn't.

What are some of your hopes for the future?

I hope to get my masters in counseling psychology, get a stable job, and a house where Vincent can live with me again. However, that might take a while, so I am just hoping either with me or my mom he is comfortable and happy until his last days. I hope he continues to make progress in his reactivity, so he can be seen as the good boy he really is and not just a dangerous pitbull.

Any recent book recommendations?

“The Book Thief” was a book I really liked when I had the time to read for pleasure. These days I usually read manga, so I would recommend “Pandora Hearts” as a manga series. I read it since it came out, and it is my favorite and has beautiful art.

What song makes you want to sing along every time you hear it?

Como La Flor by Selena. My mom would sing this with me while I was growing up. I finally understand what the Spanish words mean, and it is quite sad. However, I feel happy singing in Spanish with my mom.

Is there anything else you want to share with us?

It is hard having a reactive dog. It is hard having a breed that is stigmatized. However, you can prove people wrong. You can show them your dog is not dangerous, just scared. You can show them your dog is good, no matter what breed, no matter if they wear a muzzle, no matter if they are reactive. Don't give up, it takes time, but it gets better.

To follow Chris’s life with Vincent, click here.

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The Dog That Changed My Life: Marcella And Shimmer

Marcella Ward (above with her dog, Shimmer), is a professional dog trainer and the owner of Dogs Speak Dog Training in Houston, Texas.

A twinkle flashes in Marcella Ward’s eyes, and she hops up from her chair and walks over to the wall behind her where a rack with twenty five name tags hangs beneath a painting of her dog, Shimmer. Knowing each tag’s place by heart, she swiftly grabs one and returns to her chair to show me the tag. She holds it up to the screen for me to see and with a delighted grin on her face, she says, “I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. It goes through the entire beginning cheer and on the back, it says, well, we don't like you either.” These tags haven’t jingled from Shimmer’s collar in over a year now, but it is impossible not to feel Shimmer’s presence and the ripple effects she had on Marcella’s life. 

I plead with Marcella to help me understand what made her relationship with Shimmer so special. In that moment I can’t imagine losing the connection I have with my own heart dog, Otis. Her response surprises me.

“What if instead of trying to figure out what is so special about the relationship, we just enjoy the magic of it?” Marcella asks. 

What Happened When Marcella First Met Shimmer

Marcella grew up with a family dog and jokes that she was always “that kid” who would rather play with dogs than other children. When Marcella was 14 years old, she went to an adoption event with her mom where they first met Shimmer. 

Marcella says that Shimmer feels like happiness and home. She believes that she is a better human being because of this dog.

Marcella remembers feeling an instant connection as she watched that brown dog turn on the charm. When it was time to put Shimmer back, Marcella sobbed and knew this was her dog. “I just remember from the instant we brought her home, I was just in love with her,” Marcella tells me.   

Why Taking Shimmer to College Led to Her New Role in Marcella’s Life

In high school, Marcella remembers walking around college fairs, and without a moment’s hesitation, she crossed colleges off her list that wouldn’t allow first year students to live off campus. Going to school without Shimmer was unthinkable. 

Marcella went to Texas A&M where she got to live off campus as a freshman and bring Shimmer to school with her. Shimmer and Reveille (above), the college’s mascot, became friends and would chase squirrels together.

“I'd always had struggles in terms of both mental and physical health. I didn't really think about it until I was in college, but then I was like, maybe, she would make a good service dog,” Marcella tells me. 

Shimmer was already tasking for Marcella and had basic obedience down, so when Marcella was a sophomore, she decided to see how Shimmer would do in public spaces since service dogs have public access. Shimmer took to it instantly, so at the age of six, Shimmer officially became Marcella’s service dog. 

“Did your relationship with Shimmer change at all?” I ask her. 

“I think the only change, really, was that it got stronger. She essentially became my heartbeat, my lifeline. She went everywhere. It really just got stronger,” Marcella says. 

Shimmer loved to nap - especially if she could find something to serve as a pillow. She loved wearing the “Shim Jammies” that Marcella would put on her to keep her nice and cozy.

More than a Service Dog: The Unusual Way Shimmer Helped Marcella in Organic Chemistry

Marcella tells me that she often asks people who her favorite dog is, and anyone who knows her answers “Shimmer” without a moment’s hesitation. She goes into the sweet dog voice so many of us use and recites what she says to her two border collies, “You’re cute, but you're not the favorite,” as she starts to laugh with her whole body. 

Luckily Marcella shared this priceless photo of Shimmer in her O-Chem lab outfit.

Marcella went to college with plans to become a vet. Very matter of factly, she tells me, “Yeah, physics and organic chemistry and I did not get along.” While those classes may have changed her mind about her career path, organic chemistry lab proved to be a highlight for so many people at school. Shimmer went to O-Chem lab each day, and like the humans in the room, she also had to be safe, so she wore a pair of human goggles (doggles were not really a thing at the time), a lab coat, and booties in case of any glass or spills. Marcella gets so excited just thinking about this that she pulls out her phone and starts searching for a photo to show me. 

Marcella is right: That dog was meant to be a service dog -- her service dog. When Marcella graduated from college, Shimmer walked the stage with her. 

How Shimmer Helped Marcella When She Almost Died

When Marcella was 23, she had a pulmonary embolism and nearly died. She spent six days in the cardiac ICU, and Shimmer was with her for almost every single moment of it. Shimmer didn’t even want to leave her side to eat or go to the bathroom. When people took Shimmer out to go to the bathroom, she would potty quickly and then immediately pull to get back to Marcella. I can feel the amount of gratitude Marcella has in her heart as she tells me, “Shimmer was there for me through some of my darkest times.” 

Sixteen months ago at the age of 13, Shimmer died of cancer. “The day I lost Shimmer, I lost a part of who I was. I did. It really did feel like a piece of myself broke off and went with her,” Marcella tells me. 

I have done a lot of personal work to remove the shame around my emotions, but at this point listening to Marcella, I start to feel a bit uneasy about being the one with tears in my eyes when she’s the one who lost Shimmer. 

She looks straight at me and with kind eyes says, “Believe me when I say you have no worries crying in front of me. If Shimmer's story and the relationship I have help other people feel things, then I'm glad that I can share part of what I felt when I was with her.” 

I smile and let the tears come as I accept the generous gift Marcella just offered. 

Shimmer would always do a happy twirl and then fold her ears back and smile as she looked up at Marcella after an agility run.

Shimmer’s “Badass” Approach to Beating Cancer

Shimmer was almost 13 when she was diagnosed with cancer. Marcella tells me, “So many people would say it’s ill-advised to put a 13-year-old dog through surgery. I know this probably sounds so goofy to some people. But, I cleared my mind and I told myself I will fight for her… and do whatever I can … but Shimmer has to tell me if she wants to fight.”

Marcella sensed that Shimmer wanted to fight, so she began the process of helping her live. They went back to their alma mater, Texas A&M, for treatment of what doctors thought was sarcoma on her toe. They found out she had high-grade malignant melanoma on her toe as well as a different type of cancer in her chest. 

When Marcella was debating treating Shimmer for cancer, she says she told her dog, “‘I will fight for you, I will do whatever I can. But, you have to tell me if you want to.’” 

As Marcella spoke, it became clear to me that helping Shimmer live was about so much more than simply helping her survive cancer. It was about giving her more moments of joy. So on Shimmer’s 13th birthday, Marcella threw her a birthday party with some of her favorite people and dogs. Shimmer was a foodie who loved a nice pillow to nap on and was thrilled to open presents on birthdays and Christmas. So for Shimmer, this party hit on all three of those great loves (Marcella jokes that Shimmer just thought the inflatable donut collar was a personal pillow she got to carry around). 

Shimmer’s surgery to remove the thymoma in her chest left her with a ten inch scar on her side. While doing some related tests, the vet also discovered that she had some rare liver flukes -- so uncommon that Texas A&M didn’t even have a stool sample from a live dog with them. Marcella got a proud look on her face as she said, “Shimmer's poop sample lives on at Texas A&M at the College of Veterinary Medicine, teaching students about liver flukes.” 

When Marcella went to pick Shimmer up from the ICU to go home, Shimmer tried to jump into the car and slipped and fell on her back. In tears, Marcella took her right back into the vet, where they promptly told her that Shimmer was totally fine. “That’s the kind of dog Shimmer was. Badass little dog,” Marcella says. 

Marcella speaks fondly of “the extra nine months” she spent with Shimmer following her surgery to remove the cancer. She rattles off memories as her eyes gaze into that distant place where I am certain she is getting to experience the moments all over again: puppuccinos, riding around in the car, ice cream, licking dinner plates. Marcella returns to the present and says, “I think that's what helped give me peace - knowing that we didn't waste a single moment together with the time we were given.”

Shimmer lived for nine more months following that surgery. When Marcella talks about this time, she calls it the “extra nine months” and tells me “every moment was filled with happiness - all of her favorite things and I know we didn’t waste a single moment together.”      

Three weeks before Marcella lost Shimmer, she had a friend do a photoshoot with her. Marcella picks her laptop up and moves it to show me a large canvas photo of Shimmer hanging behind her. I see a dog with a massive smile on her face and a literal twinkle in her eye. I notice that I am starting to fall in love with Shimmer too. “This is one of my favorite pictures,” Marcella tells me. 

This photo (one of Marcella’s favorites), was taken by one of her friends three weeks before Shimmer passed away.

How Shimmer Told Marcella It Was Her Time 

The week before Shimmer died, Marcella sensed that something was off. She sat with Shimmer and had a lot of talks where she said, “Wow, look at this body! It’s taken you so many places.” It is hard to hear those words as anything other than a gift. A part of my mind latches onto them as if she is saying them to me, and I feel an immense amount of gratitude for the person that Shimmer has put in front of me. 

Marcella still sleeps next to Shimmer’s blanket and jammies every night, and for just a moment, she will be able to smell Shimmer and feel reassured that she is still a part of her life.

The next morning, Marcella took Shimmer to the emergency vet after she collapsed. Marcella remembered telling the Texas A&M surgeon that she would help Shimmer recover from the cancer surgery but wouldn't ask her to fight beyond that. That day at the emergency vet, Marcella had a split second where she toyed with going back on that promise. Marcella heard Shimmer take a few of those agonal breaths and made one of the most difficult decisions she’s ever had to make -- to help Shimmer go.

“Even in the end, Shimmer and I made this decision together when she helped me make the choice because she chose to stop fighting,” said Marcella. 

Shimmer did agility until she was twelve and could rebound off of Marcella until almost the day she died. Marcella smiles and shakes her head as she tells me that Shimmer could jump fully up on top of the counter from a standstill at the age of 13.5. Marcella took great pride in keeping Shimmer in good shape and believes Shimmer handled cancer surgery so well because she was so healthy and happy. “We called her little buff Shimmy,” she tells me.

“Where the heck did that strength come from?” I ask her.

“I think, for me, it was knowing that I was giving her that final gift, and also knowing that if I didn't do that, I'd be going against everything I promised to her,” she explains. 

Marcella continues, “For the longest time, I was terrified of death, and, interestingly enough, Shimmer taught me to be okay with it. When it's my time, I have someone waiting for me now, so I'm okay with it. Now I'm okay with death.”  

It was just Marcella and her border collie, Vengeance, in the room when Shimmer took her last breath. When they came to wheel Shimmer out after that final goodbye, two of Marcella’s friends who had come for support saw Vengeance boop his nose to Shimmer’s. “I think that was like a rite of passage - ‘Hey, I’m taking care of her now.’ I didn’t see it, but I know it happened,” Marcella tells me and I believe her instantly.

What a Spiritual Communicator Told Marcella About Her Connection with Shimmer  

As the one year anniversary of Shimmer’s death was approaching, a friend of Marcella’s recommended she speak with a spiritual communicator. She quickly adds, “As much as I know that, we, as trainers, are all about science-based, I do believe that there are things that we don't know. Things that we may not have discovered yet.” 

“It was incredible. [The communicator] basically told me Shimmer was and is my twin flame - two souls that are so connected that they are meant to find each other and they will always find each other. She said that through all the different lifetimes I've had, I've always had Shimmer with me, and that before I came into this lifetime, Shimmer's soul and my soul decided what lessons I would learn in this lifetime. She shared that Shimmer said she will come be with me again in this lifetime. It may not be right now, but she will. I do feel her everywhere around me,” Marcella says with a deep knowing. 

I have never been someone who believes in reincarnation, but I am someone who rules very few things out. And regardless of what I believe, I can feel my whole body fill with warmth at the thought of a twin flame. Perhaps that is why some of these connections we have with dogs feel so magical -- they are soul connections. They aren’t rooted in intellectual conversations or status; they are two souls finding each other. 

“She’s always with me,” Marcella tells me. She has Shimmer’s actual paw print tattooed on her arm, has Shimmer art all over her walls, and puts Shimmer’s old collar tags on her keychains. 

How Shimmer’s Pure Joy Inspires Marcella 

As Marcella reaches for memories of Shimmer, it becomes clear to me that she is remembering so many of life’s simple little moments. She is reveling in all of the “naughty” things she did like stealing the tuna right off her mom’s salad and smiling at the way Shimmer would grab one of Marcella’s shoes to snuggle with. Marcella is proving how much magic exists in life with dogs.

“When you walk by the pictures and the things remind you of her, do you feel joy or does grief hit you sometimes?” I ask her.

“Joy. I would say more joy than anything. There are moments where I do still have grief, where it hits me for just a second, and I just think how unfair the world is, because if she could have lived forever, that would have just been perfect,” she responds. 

Even though Shimmer is no longer with her in the same way, it is Shimmer who helps her through her grief and struggles. She looks to how Shimmer dealt with cancer as a reminder that sometimes we just have to go through things. “I think that also helped model, despite what I'm going through, I can still find joy in things, I can still move forward,” she tells me. 

Marcella tells me that she owes almost everything she is to Shimmer. She pauses for a moment and then admits that a piece of her left when Shimmer died. Shimmer was with her through so many of her biggest life moments: graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, nearly dying, and starting and growing her own dog training business. It is impossible to talk to Marcella and not see how Shimmer shaped her into who she is today. “Losing that special heart dog changes us as a person, but we become more of the person that we're meant to be in that journey,” she said.

If you look at the logo for Marcella’s dog training business, Dogs Speak Dog Training, you will see Shimmer and her current service dog, Vengeance. And when people ask her to send her professional photos for various higher profile dog training opportunities, she sends a photo of herself with Shimmer “because that dog got everything started.” 

When we wrap up, Marcella looks at me and says, “Well, I don’t know how you feel about this, but I feel like I’ve gained a new friend.” I smile because it feels like I have gained two: Marcella and Shimmer. Their connection was so strong that I feel certain that a part of Shimmer lives on through Marcella. I leave feeling grateful for all the ways that their relationship continues to create waves of connection in a world so often determined to make us all feel disconnected. 

To follow Marcella’s life with her two border collies, Vengeance and Fibonacci, while training other dogs, click here. 

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Can My Dog Get the Coronavirus?

Editor’s Note: Late last week we read reports about a dog in Hong Kong that tested “weak positive” for the coronavirus. As the virus continues to spread among humans around the world, we wondered if it could impact dogs. For answers, we sat down with Tamara McNealy, a member of our TOC Community, who also happens to be a microbiologist focused on infectious diseases.

How does the COVID-19 coronavirus spread (e.g. air, shared water, etc.)?

The virus spreads primarily via droplets and fomites (inanimate objects – think door handles, surfaces, objects which after you touch them allow you to transfer the virus to your nose and mouth and possibly become infected). There is not currently evidence that it stays suspended in the air for long.

Can my dog get the COVID-19 coronavirus?

There is currently no evidence that COVID-19 infects dogs. The news about the dog in Hong Kong that tested weakly positive is still being looked into. Current information from the WHO suggests continuing to wash your hands after playing with you dog or cat – good information for anytime. Dogs can however be infected with certain other coronaviruses. Here’s a reference for OTHER respiratory coronaviruses that can infect dogs.

Can my dog transmit the COVID-19 coronavirus to me?

If a dog has a respiratory infection and licks your face, or hands and you then touch your face, it is technically possible for them to transmit the virus. The good thing is that many of the coronaviruses carried by dogs are what we call species specific – meaning that they only infect dogs. And vice versa – the human coronaviruses don’t typically seem to infect dogs. It’s never a bad idea to wash your hands after playing with your dog.

Can a dog be a carrier for the COVID-19 coronavirus even though he doesn't show symptoms?

Possibly – for example the Hong Kong case could be a situation where the dog – through sniffing surfaces – picked up some virus on its nose and inhaled it a bit. The virus may be present, but likely will not survive long or lead to symptoms. If the virus cannot infect dogs, the virus will not likely survive long enough for the animal to become a true carrier. But the virus could be on the dog’s nose temporarily. Wash your hands. ☺

How do I prevent my dog from getting the COVID-19 coronavirus?

There’s presently no vaccine for any coronavirus in dogs and none for dogs or humans for COVID-19. If your dog is showing signs of respiratory illness, call your vet and keep him/her away from other dogs and places where other dogs gather to limit the spread.

Here is some good advice from a recent article in the New York Times, with one additional comment from me in italics: “If you are sick with COVID-19 and have a pet, the small animal vet association suggests that you wash your hands and you (not the dog) wear a face mask around the pet, as you would around a person, and keep them inside, just to avoid any chance of spreading the virus.”

Would you recommend that dogs wear face masks?

No. Unless it’s Halloween then maybe, but probably not this Halloween.

What would my dog's symptoms for the COVID- 19 coronavirus be?

In the Hong Kong case in the news, the animal has no symptoms. Other canine coronaviruses tend to lead to typical respiratory signs such as coughing, sneezing, and nasal discharge.

Can humans give dogs the COVID- 19 coronavirus?

Probably not, but we really don’t have the data to determine this yet.

How dangerous is it for dogs?

For COVID-19, probably not very dangerous and there’s no current evidence to show this virus infects dogs at all. Other canine coronaviruses do cause symptoms and can sometime be severe - you should talk with your vet if you’re concerned that your dog has been exposed to a coronavirus or is exhibiting respiratory infection symptoms.

Is there anything I should do to keep my dog safe? (Really, do I need to care about this?)

If your dog is just at home with you and you are not in a place where COVID-19 is actively spreading – then you probably just want to do all of the things you normally do. Keep the both of you well fed, cleaned and exercised – be happy. If you are in an area with infection concerns, take care of both you and your dog similarly – you may want to avoid large gatherings/dog parks/etc., particularly if other dogs/people are showing symptoms. If you get sick, wash your hands often, wear a mask, stay inside, eat healthy. If your dog shows respiratory symptoms – call your vet and let them know that you’re sick as well. Your vet is the expert for this situation and should be able to advise you.

What’s the Real Cost of Owning a Dog?

Editor’s Note: We get a lot of questions about how much it costs to own a dog. In order to track down some answers, we turned to our friend and TOC community member, Eryn Schultz, who also happens to be a Harvard Business School graduate and the co-founder of pHERsonal finance day, a community for women to take action and improve their finances. Eryn offered to look at her own spending on her poodle, Challapeno, and consult with her brother Devyn, a fourth year veterinary student, to breakdown their advice about the hidden costs and benefits of having a dog.

Hi, I’m Eryn, proud dog mom of a two-year old Standard Poodle named Challapeno (think Challa like the bread, peno like the pepper!). Outside of being a dog mom, by day, I work as the head of sales operations for a B Corp expanding healthy school lunch across the US. By night, I write about women and money.

Below, I’ll share with you my actual expenses from owning a dog. Since I have the added benefit of being the sister of a fourth year veterinary student, I also included advice from my brother, Devyn, based on what he’s seen in his years of working with animals. (So proud of him for living out his kindergarten dreams!)

So, How Much Does a Dog Cost All-In?

For me, it’s around $2,312 per year. On top of this, in my first year of being a dog mom, I incurred an additional $1,550 in one-time expenses driven by adoption costs and training. Below is a detailed breakdown of all of those expenses.

Challapeno came from a rescue organization that specializes in poodles. My adoption costs were $600 which included the cost of spaying and all of her shots. These costs were higher than going through a lot of other shelter options since Rescue Poodles of Houston assesses higher fees on young, popular standard poodles to cover the veterinary care for the older, non-purebred poodles in their care.

How to Budget for Pet Deposits

I did NOT have to pay a pet deposit. When I first got Challa, I lived in an older quadplex in a hip neighborhood in Houston. Since my landlord never made some of the improvements I requested in writing as a condition for moving in, I got them to waive the pet deposit in exchange for not making those repairs. Some buildings will charge a pet deposit OR they will you charge you additional monthly rent. Try to negotiate. The worst they can do is say no!

Adoption Advice From My Brother the Vet Student

Eryn is so proud of her brother, “Dr. Devyn” (second from the right), for becoming a veterinarian. This photo is from when their family celebrated his white coat.

When adopting a dog, pay attention to age, pre-existing health conditions, and breed, which are all factors that could increase your overall lifetime cost of ownership. Young dogs have more upfront vet bills (think spaying, neutering, and vaccinations) and older dogs may require a big medical bill upfront (for things like bloodwork and teeth cleaning). Be sure to ask your rescue organization if they will take care of any of these medical costs on the front end, especially if your dog has a preexisting condition like heartworm. Spend time researching breeds as well, and make sure to set aside more money for breeds like Bulldogs, Dachshunds, German Shepherds, or giant breed dogs like Great Danes that can come with higher vet bills.

How I Budgeted for Training My Dog

In addition to the adoption fees, I also paid for two separate rounds of training totaling around $850. Challa was six months old when I adopted her, and like most poodles she had a ton of energy and needed a LOT of help. The training helped although I didn’t reinforce it nearly enough (hence, my excitement to learn about Tails of Connection!). If I could do it again, I would have just done group classes instead of one-on-one training. They were cheaper and gave me better discipline.

My Annual Dog Boarding Costs

For me, the highest cost is boarding Challa when we travel. Our boarding costs were $1,250 in 2019, which was 54% of our overall total cost of having a dog. Since we moved to Boston in 2019, my parents’ free dog boarding services ended. I’m blessed to get to work from home (one day a week I go into the office and on that day my boyfriend works from home), so I rarely have to pay for a weekly dog walker. That $1,250 was driven by spending around $40/night on a local dog sitter over the course of five days of travel for Thanksgiving, nine days of travel during the week of Christmas (when we had a wedding in Hawaii), and four other weekends away for weddings or visiting friends. This also included five dog walks for days when we both were stuck at work or went on a long, non-pet friendly hike over the weekend. If we had to add on weekly dog walking OR doggie daycare, those costs would be much higher.

My Yearly Veterinary Costs

Taking Challa to the vet represented the next largest part of our budget. All dogs should take a regular heartworm medicine and most should have a flea and tick prevention. In different parts of the country this takes on different levels of importance. We are less likely to get heartworm in Boston (which was very common in Houston), but ticks are much easier to come by in New England. We pay about $280 per year for all of our preventative medicines, and spend another $270 on a well checkup, parasite and heartworm tests, and a few vaccines. I found it fascinating that the shots we needed and the costs of different tests vary widely by region.

What I Spent on Grooming My Dog in a Year

Poodles have coats that are, um, high maintenance. Her haircut cost more than mine! It’s been $125 on more than one occasion. A short-haired dog may have $0 in grooming fees, but that’s not so in the poodle and doodle family! Contrary to the advice of some of my mother’s friends who insist that I should groom my poodle bimonthly, I’m content with a twice or thrice haircut as long as I trim her face (to make sure she can see) and can brush her regularly. This cost about $285 in 2019. Caveat: for many dogs grooming is more than cosmetic. Dogs with long hair can get matted. This can translate to sores that are very painful and can get infected leading to other health issues. You can also invest in some inexpensive grooming shears and do a lot at home. With my brother’s assistance, we shaved her once. It took five hours so it’s not easy.

What If My Pet Gets Sick?

The above costs are based on one year of a healthy pet. Sometimes accidents happen (they get hit by a car, eat a razorhead or a bag of dark chocolate, etc.). Sometimes pets get sick. What would your plan be if you had an unexpected $5,000 vet bill? I am planning to buy pet insurance this year. My parents are big advocates since they have had pet insurance cover the cost of some big bills (ACL tears, cancer treatment). To date, I would have spent more on pet insurance that I would have gotten back. In the future, I want to be protected if I’m not so blessed.

A Vet Student’s Take on Pet Insurance and Planning for Emergencies

When Devyn is in town, Eryn is grateful for his help with Challa. This is a picture of him cleaning her teeth.

When you have a medical emergency, the last thing you want to think about is how much is my dog worth. $2,000? $5,000? When you have pet insurance, you get to think more about the well-being of your pet and less about how much the treatment they need costs. It makes the conversation a lot easier on the owner.

From a financial health perspective, I advocate having an emergency fund that will cover the cost of unexpected medical bills for you OR your pet. This is generally six months of living expenses. If you have an older pet or one that is prone to health issues, make sure you have enough tucked away so money doesn’t drive a key health decision.

Hot Tip: Some smaller dogs require frequent teeth cleaning. If you’re thinking about a small dog breed where this is a frequent expense, some pet insurance plans will cover teeth cleaning as part of their package. They come with higher monthly premiums, but all of your preventative care is covered!

How Having a Dog Can Save You Money

Before wrapping up, I also want to call out the many ways having a dog has SAVED me money. First, so many social events with friends involve spending money. Brunch, drinks, etc. Going to the dog park and taking a walk with your dog are FREE and are also great social activities. Assuming I’ve swapped two $30 social events for two free events each month, that translates to $720 in forgone social costs per year. Second, not wanting to leave my dog with a sitter probably leads to two or more weekends per year where we opt to stay close to home. Those weekends generally spent hiking in the woods with her are some of my favorites and probably save me $1,000 or more per year.

In conclusion, yes I spend $2,312 per year caring for Challapeno, but she also saves me around $1,700 per year, and that doesn’t even count the value of free cuddles.

You can learn more about pHERsonal finance day by visiting Eryn’s website here.

#TOCStories: Why Having a Dog Is Essential for This Scientist’s Mental Health

This past Tuesday we sat down with Tamara McNealy and her Border Collie and Pointer rescue, Darby, at their apartment in Washington, D.C. Tamara opened up about why having Darby is so important to her mental health, for the second installment in our special series profiling members of our TOC community.

When Tamara McNealy, a microbiologist focused on infectious diseases, first saw a picture of her Border Collie and Pointer rescue, Darby, she knew that she was her dog. Darby was only ten weeks old and living at a shelter outside of Atlanta when Tamara brought her home.

A couple of years earlier, Tamara’s beloved Border Collie rescue, Jessie, died unexpectedly. Jessie was 14 years old when she came down with either meningitis or complications related to a medical condition that she had earlier in the year, which resulted in the removal of her spleen. “I was devastated when I lost her. She was just my world,” Tamara remembered.

A year after her last dog, Jessie (right), passed away, Tamara’s veterinarian sent her this letter from Jessie, which she described as a basic poem from a dog to their owner after they've passed. “I bawled. I cried so hard, but it was the sweetest thing,” Tamara told TOC.

Tamara’s veterinarian at the time told her, “When you're ready for another dog, Jessie is going to send you the right one.” Even though Tamara admits that as a scientist, she “likes facts,” she said that she still gets goosebumps thinking about that conversation. When she saw Darby, “it was kind of this gift that I was receiving from Jessie.”

How Having Opposite Personalities Helps Tamara and Darby

In a lot of ways, Tamara and Darby are opposites. Tamara is a self-described introvert who works from home most of the time. Darby is a social butterfly and wakes Tamara up every morning with a little dog kiss. Tamara loves the water, but when they go hiking, Darby searches for rocks to cross over streams, just so she doesn’t get her paws wet.

Today, Tamara can’t imagine life without her. “I've dealt with a lot of issues over the years and had a very dysfunctional childhood … [With a] dog, ... you come home [and] they're happy to see you. They give you a purpose, [and] they give you something to do ... Darby in particular because she's social, you know we go to the dog park and I've told numerous people there, if I didn't have a dog and ... a great dog park, I would know nobody in D.C. But through the dog park, I have this whole community that has expanded into a hiking group, and it's expanded into a book club, and it's all because of Darby. It's because I have a dog,” Tamara said.

How Training Helps Darby and Tamara

Tamara shared the recipe card for Darby’s homemade treats with TOC (see above) and told us that Darby loves inspecting her cooking.

When it comes to training, Darby is extremely food motivated (it helps that Tamara makes her homemade pumpkin and peanut butter treats) and she loves to learn. “I think that most people forget that their dogs have this very stimulating brain that needs to do something. So I think the more you work with them, the more they're connected with you, the better behaved they are, and then the better your whole community is …” Tamara said.

Training Darby has also been transformative in helping Tamara cope with her own anxiety. Recently she and Darby completed the first 14-day Tails of Connection Challenge.

“The Tails of Connection [Challenge] ... gives you something very discrete to do. If you're having one of those moments where your head is spinning and you can’t focus, you can just go [work] with your dog and have something that you're going to focus on. It focuses your brain and then it stops some of that other spinning that’s going around, and so I think it definitely benefits not only the dog, but also the person as well,” Tamara told TOC.

Even though Tamara thinks that Jessie was a more driven dog, she told us that Darby is more affectionate. “I often tell people that my last dog was the dog that my soul needed at the time, but Darby is like the dog that my heart needed when I got her ... In the morning, she is always waiting right there beside me until the alarm goes off. She's just the sweetest dog. I've never had a dog quite so sweet.”

You can follow Tamara’s life with Darby through their instagram account. If you're interested in future Tails of Connection Challenges, let us know here.

#TOCStories: What It's Like Living with a Great Dane

This past Monday we sat down with Leeanne Sciolto and her one and a half year old Mantle Great Dane, Jude, at their home in Washington, D.C. Leeanne opened up about the "hilarious and humbling" nature of her life with Jude for this first installation in #TOCStories, our special series featuring members of our TOC community.

When Leeanne Sciolto first met her Great Dane, Jude, he was only six weeks old. She drove two hours outside of D.C. to a breeder, and even though he was in a litter of ten other dogs, she immediately fell in love. "He just had a kind of exuberant free spirit to him and he liked to play. He was a big love bug and he still is today," she gushed.

Before getting Jude, Leeanne was going through a tough time. "I had just had a really devastating breakup that still chokes me up to this day talking about it ... and I had a bad situation at work. I was working 12 plus hour days. I needed something for myself. I needed something that was going to make me leave the office. I needed something that was going to make me get out of bed on the weekends and not just close myself in and cuddle with my cat," she remembered. It wasn't long before she realized that Jude had “saved her life.”

How Problem Solving and Consistency Are Key to Jude’s Training Routine

Jude has an incredible wardrobe of hats, snoods, bow ties, collars and more.

Because of Jude's size (he's 125 pounds and still has about 20 pounds left to grow), Leeanne quickly decided that training would be an integral part of their daily lives. In the beginning, she hired professional trainers. After that she continued to work with him everyday to maintain what he learned and grow their bond.

When it came to training Jude at home, Leeanne faced a big challenge: he is not food motivated. After buying him pretty much every treat on the market (think soft, hard, smelly, and non-smelly) she discovered that he only really enjoys cheddar cheese and ham. When Jude is stressed, he will not eat. To complicate things, he is also reactive to sounds, so if he and Leeanne stand outside of their front door, he likely won't take cheese or ham out of her hand because there are too many things going on outside around them.

“I've really had to figure out what motivates him, what makes him tick, and work with him as he presents himself with whatever else is going on ... That's one of things I was drawn to with the Tails of Connection Challenge ... It really emphasizes that you just need five minutes a day, and it gives you something to focus on with your dog every day. It's a great reminder and a good excuse to spend five minutes working with this big little guy working on our relationship.”

Why Leeanne and Jude Find Joy on the Water

In the summer, Leeanne and Jude like to go to Annapolis or to Baltimore and meet up with friends and go standup paddle boarding.

According to Leeanne, even though Great Danes are known for being giant couch potatoes and not needing a lot of exercise, Jude is always up for an outdoor adventure, especially if it involves the water. The pair have road tripped up to Cape Cod and stayed on the beach, and one of the things that they like to do in the summer is standup paddle boarding. From the beginning, Leeanne worked hard to help Jude fall in love with the water. Now he loves the water so much that there's been more than one occasion that he will actually jump in the shower with Leeanne. Jude also has his own kiddie pool for the summer, and when it rains, he loves playing in the "liquid sunshine."

You can follow Leeanne's life with Jude through their instagram account. If you're interested in future Tails of Connection Challenges, let us know here.

PS: Pin this article for later!

Training Diary: What It's Like to Finish the Tails of Connection Challenge

Allison Jones and Marisa Lovaincy are two dog moms from very different corners of North America. Both are members of our Slack training community, and when we asked them this past December to test the Tails of Connection Challenge, they'd never met. By the end of our 14-day testing phase, Marisa told Tails of Connection (TOC), "I loved seeing Allison train her dog, Indy [in the private Challenge Facebook group]. It's so cool to see the different challenges that she gives her dog." We sat down separately with Allison (from her home in Canada - Saskatoon, Saskatchewan to be exact) and Marisa (from her house in Boston, Mass.) right before Christmas to hear what they really thought about the Tails of Connection Challenge. 

A Tale of Two TOC Community Dogs

Marisa and her Sheepadoodle, Athena, trained for the challenge mostly in the afternoon. “We didn't really train in the morning because she just seems lazier. She'll eat breakfast and then she'll lay on the guest bed and stay there for two hours,” she told TOC. (Photo Credit: Lauren Dobish Photography)

Allison's dog, Indy, is a three year old rescue mix whom she adopted when she was around six months old. "We thought she would be an easy dog. That's why we chose her. Then she got quite nervous and fearful and was not as easy anymore. That's what really drove me into looking into more training stuff," she told TOC. 

Marisa's dog, Athena, is a one year old Sheepadoodle. "She's so sassy. Her personality reminds me a lot of [Christie’s dog] Sully. She's very, very independent… [and] she's not very cuddly...She'll lick your face to death but doesn't want to be cuddled," Marisa said.

How the Challenge Works for Dogs of Different Skill Levels

Allison works part-time and considers Indy to be her main hobby. At this point, they've taken six in person training classes together. "Coming into the challenge as a more intermediate-level person, I still had a lot of fun going back to the basics in addition to trying some new stuff that we had never done before...I love doing these type of things because they push me, as you say, to ‘spend five minutes a day’ with Indy," she told TOC.

Marisa also has a more flexible work schedule and brings Athena to a group classes regularly. Once a week, they join about 12 other dogs (who are mostly trained for the police force) to work on Athena's recall outside.

Marisa highlighted the difference between that group class experience and the challenge:

"In the class environment, we worked a lot on heeling, loose leash walking, staying, recall, and stuff like that. A lot of those things for Athena have taken a while to build that skill set...But then there's other things [in the challenge where] I've been really impressed with Athena. That could be because you laid out the training in such an understandable way where you could learn like different types of dogs (like Sully and Otis). She has really picked up on it. So that has been really interesting to me that I can see real progress so quickly."

Finding Time to Train Five Minutes a Day 

Allison and her dog, Indy, trained mostly in her living room and posted daily videos (like the screen grab of this one) in our private Facebook group.

When it came to completing challenge during the busy holiday season, both women said they loved how short the videos and assignments were and felt it was very doable. Marisa told us that she would schedule a five minute training window everyday like a workout. They both admitted to doubling up and completing two challenge days in a single day, but had no issue playing catch up. 

Since the point of the challenge is really to have fun bonding with your dog at your own pace, we loved when Marisa told us that she spent some days just playing outside with Athena as their “five minutes” because that's what Athena needed on that day. She explained,  "I also [decided] if she's not getting this [day of the challenge], I'll just move on and come back to [the training game] a different day and continue onto the next day’s training."

Allison enjoyed the daily accountability of the challenge and decided to document her training in our private Facebook group by posting a video everyday, even though this wasn't a requirement.  Some days she posted videos of her work with Indy at their local dog park that was transformed into a winter wonderland, where she reported that it was a balmy 28 degrees Fahrenheit! 

Main Takeaways from Our Challenge Testers

Both women agreed that they would do the challenge again. Marisa wants to revisit days that Athena hasn't mastered and loves that she can replay the challenge videos. Her proudest dog mom moment came at day 13 when Athena learned to bow. "My parents came to pick up Athena before we went on vacation and they are huge dog people too. I showed them the trick, and they couldn't believe she learned it that day."

For Allison, the challenge helped keep things in perspective. "For rolling the ball, I was like 'today we're doing it like Sully.' Maybe Indy will never roll the ball with her nose, but it's kind of fun to work on it and play with it together...It does make it so much more approachable to be like ‘we mess it up sometimes.’ You've got to kind of laugh when you fail and reset."

To join the Tails of Connection Challenge click here.